El miércoles, 29 de julio de 2009 a las 22:51
Buenas noches!!!!
Today is a good day because I am finally feeling well enough to write I feel as if the pain has receded enough where maybe I will get part of my days back and sleep well at night. This has been a tough one, to say the least. Thank you each for your prayers. I haven’t been able to check my email for such a long time, and it is a little harder to communicate with no internet at the house. But Mom always goes and sends and downloads emails a couple times a week now, so you can reach me here or at my personal email chela2730@gmail.com, and I’ll ask Mom to start checking that too.
What to say? I’ll skip the gross details since I’ve been reminded time and again that most people don’t have strong stomachs haha…it’s really not all that bad when the bandages are on! But anyway. The hospital stay was hard, but as always I had angels for nurses and my poor mama to deal with my not so sweet demands for relief. I am so, so happy that this is ALL almost over. Can you believe it??!! Being at home has been wonderful, albeit with its challenges. Sorry, but I’m going to include a picture or no one is going to understand what I’m talking about…but so far I still haven’t found a way to sit in a chair because of the highest ring and basically doing ANYTHING is challenging and brings me near to tears. I don’t even get crutches this time, but have been reduced back to my old nickname of clickity-clack. My mode of getting around is a shiny new walker. Just what I always wanted. Everyday I (and whoever is around) get to turn dials so that my bone will grow a millimeter a day. It’s actually all pretty amazing if you just take the pain out of the equation. By the end of this I will be as level as ever and have my whole length back (3.5 cm is what’s missing). My brothers are my physical therapists and Johnny has become my daily wound-cleaning partner. Really, I don’t know what I would do without my family. So unceasing in their patience and encouragement, so free with their hugs amidst my tears. My doctor and team are constantly blessing me also and I thank God time and again for their hands and hearts. Last week I went with Mom to learn the ropes. If not for them I think we both would have gone home in tears the day was so trying, but they are so encouraging and really make me believe I can do this. Last week I think was the hardest, maybe because I’m just figuring out how to live with this metal thing on my leg, but I was pretty down. I wrote in my journal that I haven’t felt like this since 2003/2004 when I came home from the hospital in Houston. I know I am a far cry from the broken body of then, but with this ordeal all the memories have come flooding back. Some of the trials as well, like not being able to carry anything, not being able to get into bed by myself, not being able to walk a block, actually, just to the bathroom winds me. It’s all the little things you know? And on top of being dependent on my [awesome] family and friends, I am in SO much pain…I guess the fact that rods are going through my leg has something to do with it, but if anything please pray for lessened pain and for my rest at night. Dreams have not been pleasant when I do finally fall asleep. Except last night I FINALLY slept through the night with no dreams, it was such a blessing.
On another quick note, Mom is going to be on blogtalk radio show tomorrow at noon to talk about MOG and oxygen, so please pray for a lot of listeners and support!! It’s an exciting event for us, hopefully with this we’ll become more plugged in with San Antonio organizations and meet new people who want to be involved I’ll update you next time I write to let you know how it went…
Thanks again for the support, especially to you who have been with me through this since the beginning, you’re my heroes….
Much love to all!! I’ll leave you with a poem I wrote right before my surgery….
Blessings and more blessings!!
Besos,
Rachel
dry tears.
faking bravery
oh lost heart
on the mend
resist
but do not play pretend
…
Tomorrow
is here
dreadful oh
what a relief
stop amid the clouds
feel the dewy air
immerse yourself
in the dry tears of the heavens
…
fog rolls over
this little light of mine
dulled emotions vie for a voice
but i just don’t want to hear
…
such silence
peace found
in the quandary of
my beloved storm
…
denied
an action for a promise
a solution for a pain
…
pain
constant in its bruising
my love to earn
my pliant will to gain
…
Today i look forward
to my bright Tomorrow
unfolding
gentle sunrise
intense colors
collide with my stubborn clouds
…
dim victory
i long to see clear
close my eyes
and be There
…
anticipation
elation
longed for Arrival
allusive
should be conclusive
…
jagged road
you have me upended
rush to my head
down may be up
objects are closer than they appear
…
uncertainty
drives me to a delightful
place of laughter
continuous
maze of complexity
irreversibility
my Now is my Then
expectancy turned outward
unannounced healing
your balm washes me
…
bewildered courage
my feet touch the ground
remnants of fear
disappear
i am Here
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