happy bday joce!!

so today is jocelyn's bday. she'd be freaking out because she'd be 25!! i was getting all depressed and sad on my way home and when i got in the car and turned on the radio her spanish 'happy' song was on (windy you know which one:). it was strange because i haven't heard that song in forever and it "happened" to be playing...so i decided to smile and be ok...because she's happy. and i will get to see her again someday. and she's not hurting. she's eternally joce...everything good stayed with her and everything bad just melted away. it would be so awesome to talk to her though. i wish i could just have a day to hang with her. in our apartment with windy. eating her brownies while they play mario cart. watching her hip-hop videos and then putting 'raining on sunday' on repeat. being stupid and laughing our heads off together. talking and crying about whatever boy was giving us trouble at the moment and eating cookie dough ice cream to make it all better. she was awesome. it's so amazing how one person can be so much to you...have such a huge part in your life because they are so unique and special. there really is no one that can come close to being who she was. she loved with no limits. was bitchy one minute and hugging you the next because she couldn't stand conflict. she was horrible at ever saving her tip money because she invited everyone to everything and never put herself first. she loved my family, her family, as much as i do...she made everyone around feel as special as they truly were. her faults were the kind that you could overlook because her heart was always in the right place and she always wanted you to be happy. she taught me to trust, and then again, how not to trust. she always put herself so much out there that she got hurt a lot. but i think she liked it that way, because then she never wondered 'what could have been'. because everything just was. and everything just is. i think that's what she would tell me today. that today is ok because it just is. things are good and life is still worth living with abandon. not because you might die tomorrow, but because you are alive today. it's worth wearing your heart on your sleave...giving and giving until you are spent but drenched with the happiness of emptying yourself...

everything that will be will be and everything that is...just is.

happy bday my joce...i love you!!!!!! miss you like crazy...DOUBLE TROUBLE BABY!!!!! jajajajaja.... CBD!!!!!! FOREVER!!!!!

let it be. (dedicado a mi amiga linda, ya sabes quien sos...muah!)

so let go
just let go

look back
fondly
on those times
so sweet

smile
at the road ahead
and think of me

raise your eyes
to the sky so blue
take a deep breath
act like it's ok , this
goodbye

don't forget me
i won't forget you
embrace the day
just let it be

we thought our moment was forever
forgetting
to watch the change
of the us that ebbed and flowed
forgetting
to remember
that nothing stays the same

now my hand is empty
the feel of your skin gone
your eyes
they sadly haunt me

but baby
i must go on.