Tainted Dawn

minding me.

2010-01-14T01:45:00.000-06:00

REGAINING MY MIND STEPPING OUT OF INSANITY AND INTO SOUNDNESS DON’T YOU HEAR DON’T YOU NEED ALL I WANT IS FOR YOU TO SEE CAN’T SEEM TO BE IN A STATE OF TRANQUILITY I JUST HARBOR THE ABSURDITY IN THE MOMENT HERE AND NOW WHY THE WAIT DON’T YOU SEE THE NECESSITY TO FEEL TO BREATHE EXIST AND RESIST THE PULLING PULLING OF WHAT REMAINS I ASSUME YOU PLAN TO RESUME YOUR COMPLACENT THINKING

2010-01-14T01:41:00.000-06:00

El miércoles, 29 de julio de 2009 a las 22:51 Buenas noches!!!! Today is a good day because I am finally feeling well enough to write I feel as if the pain has receded enough where maybe I will get part of my days back and sleep well at night. This has been a tough one, to say the least. Thank you each for your prayers. I haven’t been able to check my email for such a long time, and it is a

fog.

2010-01-14T01:39:00.000-06:00

for carrie. dense is the mist smothering my peace blurring my thoughts i cry for this pain this pain to desist desiring to believe in your oh so allusive stillness i seek harmony serenity i must bury myself in your sweet tranquility though i seek i tenaciously resist the giving of self the breaking of me forgetting you see throbbing, aching i am all but blind not recognizing growth i

i forgot.

2010-01-14T01:36:00.000-06:00

i forgot. El miércoles, 30 de diciembre de 2009 a las 3:34 am WASN’T IT JUST WONDERFUL WHEN I BELIEVED WASN’T IT DANDY WHEN YOU HAD ALL OF ME ALL OF ME IS IT ANY WONDER YOU ARE THERE THERE IN YOUR NOWHERE WHILE I AM HERE IN MY EVERYWHERE CONSTANT IN MY FLUCTUATION I DON’T KNOW HOW I FORGOT FORGOT YOU FORGOT MY BLUES FORGOT THE VERY FEW I LOVE YOU’S DIDN’T I SEE HOW COULD I BE SO BLINDLY ME.

dirty jeans.

2010-01-14T01:32:00.000-06:00

grace falls impurity seeps in and i am caught an entrapment fed by selfishness held together by my humaness my inability to unblind myself see and not wear my dark glasses cut the cords that bind dig into my skin harsh yet beloved by me picking at the thorns that i myself grew wondering where are the roses that never bloomed forever seeing constantly forgetting my own dear conspiracy is

tumbling

2009-11-02T04:31:00.000-06:00

So how can it be That you want to save me What makes you think I need you to You try to fit in my shoes Are they too big or too small Might we win Or are we going to lose Are we going to fall This world goes round and round But I feel upside down How did I fall Why do I care What can I do Now that we're here Gratitude Your attitude wraps itself around me My eyes are your eyes And I wonder

solitude need not mean loneliness...

2009-10-16T05:57:00.000-05:00

Solitude is not something you must hope for in the future. Rather, it is a deepening of the present, and unless you look for it in the present you will never find it. -Thomas Merton

2009-10-12T17:41:00.001-05:00

It's. like the prelimenary shit you have to go thru to get to the good stuff. Its like...como te digo...a grey dawn. And the dreams me tienen loca, I wake up scared and talking to someone that I think is really there...osea, horrible! And now I am even HORRIBLER (I don't care if it's not a real word)....horribler because I am COMPLAINING!!! I mean, look what God just got me through! So I am

2009-10-12T17:38:00.001-05:00

Mmmm y yo.....well I'm at a weird point right now. Not dark, justgris. I've been here before after a few of my operations....it's like im ready to go on and I'm insanely happy that the 'hard part' is done....then I hurt so bad and therapy exercises are things like switch your weight, back and forth, tighten your quad, release, put wieght on your heal...como, it should be EASY. And then it's NOT!!

copied from an email that began to mis chias....I LOVE Y'ALL!!

2009-10-11T19:56:00.000-05:00

Hey girls, just wanted to let y'all know I got your messages, thanks for being so present!!!...yesterday afterwards I felt so great and was like man this isn't going to be as bad as I thought! At least i enjoyed it as long as it lasted. .. y Dani , GRACIAS por quedarse conmigo, ni me di cuenta a que hora me dormi! haha despues tipo 3 amcuando me desperte a tomarme mi medicina y me HARTE de todo

better late than never...

2009-10-04T05:29:00.003-05:00